i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
