I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
