i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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