Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
