It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
