i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
