eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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