I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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