Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
