Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
