Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
