good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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