Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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