is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you win again, gameday.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
