What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
