What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
