So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
