He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
