shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
