Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
