i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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