i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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