no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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