i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
