Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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