evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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