Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
