the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
