You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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