I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
