Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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