Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
