I accidentally had phone sex last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
