Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
