You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
