What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
