Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
