roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
