By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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