I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
