I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
