Already got asked if we're dating
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
