so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am naked and annoyed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
