i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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