Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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