fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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