u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
