i think my mom watched the whole time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
