so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think i have herpe
just one?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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