I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
