he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
