What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's get the cat blown out
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
