thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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